In the fourth chapter in James’ Epistle, he talks about why we fight with one another. 

Why do we fight?  Why are there so many quarrels in the family or friends?  Why do brothers and sisters or friends or husbands and wives find it so hard to get along with one another?  “Where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from?”  James asks.  There are several reasons, he says, for all the fighting in our lives.

First, he says, we fight because we want something, and when we don’t get what we want, we get mad and we fight.  Two children want the same toy.  Since they both cant have it, they fight over the toy.  Adults are like that, too, sometimes.  Two people want the same thing and when they both can’t have it, they get mad and fight over it like children fighting over a toy.  We fight over who’s going to use the car, or what TV program we are going to watch.  We fight, James says, because we want things, and when we can’t have them, we get mad and we fight. Second, James says, we fight because we are full of envy and jealousy.  Somebody has something we don’t have and we envy him for what he has.  We are jealous; we get mad because other people have what we don’t have.  And so we fight because, basically, we are greedy and possessive.  Another girl has the guy I want.  I get mad and fight her because I am jealous.  The other businessman is more successful than I am, or a friend’s prettier than I am, and I fight because I’m mad that they have something I don’t have and want. We also fight with one another because we are always asking for things that are selfish and not very good.  We’re always asking for things for our own pleasure, James says.  When our selfishness is frustrated, when we don’t get what we want selfishly, we get angry and we lash out at whoever happens to be nearby –a husband, a wife or a friend.  You want to go to a party, but your father says you have to stay at home to study because it is a weekday and there is class tomorrow, and you get mad and fight everybody in the house.  It really isn’t the husband or the wife or the friend or the parent you are angry with.  You are angry because you didn’t get what you wanted.  You’re angry because you want it –too much, maybe – but can’t have it. The solution to a lot of our fights is to want less.  When we simplify and purify our needs and wants, we are less likely to get frustrated.  Buddha taught that much of the pain in life comes from desire.  Minimize the desire and we minimize the pain and the frustration.  We are less likely to get angry and fight with one another.  If we have fewer wants, we will have fewer fights. 

Too many wants.  Wanting the wrong things.  The lesson of love is a hard one to put into practice.  Want less and you’ll fight less, he says.  But in the last half of the fourth chapter in the Epistle, James adds two practical rules for a lot of fighting that contaminate our lives and destroys our peace. Don’t criticize people, James says, and don’t boast.  Criticism is often really envy and disguised wanting.  It makes people mad and fight.  Boasting is often the cover-up we use to hide or compensate for the fact that we don’t have something we really want.   

Want less.  Don’t criticize others.  Don’t boast.  That’s what Love is all about.  And when there’s Love, we fight less.

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